Two Options

This is what I’m left with.

Option One: Do nothing

                     Choosing this Option means I will continue to eat as I do, continue to sit around and not be active and get more and more disgusted and depressed about                        my current state which will lead to a horrible ending.

Option Two: Change  

                     It’s a simple one word action. In reality it requires several different things. I have to eat healthy, have smaller portions, exercise and change my life. Option two is                      really my only option for living. I have to do this or I’m dead, this isn’t an over exaggeration. I know that if I don’t change my life I am not going to make it, if my                          weight doesn’t kill my health, my weight will kill my mind, I have already begun to see and feel the effects of both.


Gonna die idk why, this kind of fate was meant for me.

Sum 41 title, chill. Although I am quite sure my life span will be short. I know this because I have diabetes and high blood pressure and the fact that I am obese doesn’t help.

I can blame my upbringing, I can blame my depression and anxiety. Yeah they are all factors in this but honestly I just realized that I probably hate myself. It’s like I have no self worth or something. I don’t comfort eat on purpose. It’s like a habit dare I even say addiction. That’s what it feels like.

What am I going to do? I have to do something. I do have kids to stick around for after all. If I can’t love myself I know I definitely love them.

Lab Results and Keto, Possibly?

I went to my sleep study on Saturday night. I hope they can tell how strangely I sleep. That really is one sure way to get help with gastric, should I choose to go that route. It was actually horrible. I couldn’t sleep with all those wires hooked up to me but I managed to get a few hours in.

I got my lab results and apart from having slightly high average sugar results and slightly high blood pressure readings, everything came out fine. I have some gallstones but not a significant amount to have surgery, even my hormones were fine. Honestly I feel more puzzled than anything. How can I be so healthy? I feel awful and I am extremely fortunate not to have full on diabetes. This is my chance to change everything. I still have time to turn things around!

I also want to try the Keto diet. I have been seeing people on /r/progresspics for months who have lost a lot of weight using the Keto method. Anyone have more insight? I have done the standard googling and YouTube watching and I am really planning on doing this in 2 weeks when I go grocery shopping. Meanwhile I have lost another pound and while I have stopped the cardio, I am still staying at 1600 calories a day.

I’m still here

I’m still eating 1600 calories a day.
I haven’t posted because I’ve been running around seeing the Dr., Something I haven’t done in years. I’m not going to count the one time last year where this rushed Dr. saw me for 5 minutes, made sure that I knew I was too fat and left.
I received prescriptions for my anxiety and depression. Although I worry I will get the bad side effects some people get from the Lexapro. But when I took generic xanax for the really bad times, I felt perfect, at ease, no drugged or drowsy feeling.
Next step is to hear the results of my fasting labs and sonos. I am starting to have slightly elevated blood pressure. I check it twice a day and it’s always in the high 140s/90’s. I’m not going to lie, I am prepared to get bad news on the labs. I know that I have been gambling with my health these passed several years and now I’m paying for it.
There is some good news, after 5 years I am finally getting new glasses!

Second Week – Weigh In

I lost 2 more pounds and I’m not disappointed I had a feeling it was going to be around that much.

I’m going to step it up. I hope to lose 4 pounds this coming week. I know it’s possible it’s going to take more

discipline and determination. I can do this. I’m stepping up my cardio and really hitting 30 minutes at LEAST

of cardio everyday apart from squats! Also I’m gonna be eating healthier snacks because this past week I have

been eating within my calorie limits but my snacks haven’t been too healthy. I’m halfway to my first goal of losing 20

pounds in one month.

Reason to lose #88: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

I have about a million reasons not to quit.

And as I sit here eating my amazing homemade salad,(yeah I really do mean that)

I come upon this amazing new teaser trailer for Star Wars The Force Awakens, which is coming out this Christmas.

I realize that I have this one shirt with the Death Star on it that fits me tight

and this great wave of motivation hit me!!

I set a goal for myself that is doable and perfectly motivating

considering how much I love the Star Wars series.

My new goal:

I will continue to change my lifestyle and lose weight

so that when Christmas rolls around

I can wear my Death Star shirt to the premier of the movie

and feel completely comfortable in it, not like how I currently feel in it

like I’m packed in a can of sardines!!

I love this new goal and it actually made me feel happy

which I haven’t been able to do in a while.

I know it’s such a trivial thing to get worked up about

but I love it and I’m going to work with what I have!!