Choosing this Option means I will continue to eat as I do, continue to sit around and not be active and get more and more disgusted and depressed about my current state which will lead to a horrible ending.
Option Two: Change
It’s a simple one word action. In reality it requires several different things. I have to eat healthy, have smaller portions, exercise and change my life. Option two is really my only option for living. I have to do this or I’m dead, this isn’t an over exaggeration. I know that if I don’t change my life I am not going to make it, if my weight doesn’t kill my health, my weight will kill my mind, I have already begun to see and feel the effects of both.
Sum 41 title, chill. Although I am quite sure my life span will be short. I know this because I have diabetes and high blood pressure and the fact that I am obese doesn’t help.
I can blame my upbringing, I can blame my depression and anxiety. Yeah they are all factors in this but honestly I just realized that I probably hate myself. It’s like I have no self worth or something. I don’t comfort eat on purpose. It’s like a habit dare I even say addiction. That’s what it feels like.
What am I going to do? I have to do something. I do have kids to stick around for after all. If I can’t love myself I know I definitely love them.
I went to my sleep study on Saturday night. I hope they can tell how strangely I sleep. That really is one sure way to get help with gastric, should I choose to go that route. It was actually horrible. I couldn’t sleep with all those wires hooked up to me but I managed to get a few hours in.
I got my lab results and apart from having slightly high average sugar results and slightly high blood pressure readings, everything came out fine. I have some gallstones but not a significant amount to have surgery, even my hormones were fine. Honestly I feel more puzzled than anything. How can I be so healthy? I feel awful and I am extremely fortunate not to have full on diabetes. This is my chance to change everything. I still have time to turn things around!
I also want to try the Keto diet. I have been seeing people on /r/progresspics for months who have lost a lot of weight using the Keto method. Anyone have more insight? I have done the standard googling and YouTube watching and I am really planning on doing this in 2 weeks when I go grocery shopping. Meanwhile I have lost another pound and while I have stopped the cardio, I am still staying at 1600 calories a day.
I’m still eating 1600 calories a day.
I haven’t posted because I’ve been running around seeing the Dr., Something I haven’t done in years. I’m not going to count the one time last year where this rushed Dr. saw me for 5 minutes, made sure that I knew I was too fat and left.
I received prescriptions for my anxiety and depression. Although I worry I will get the bad side effects some people get from the Lexapro. But when I took generic xanax for the really bad times, I felt perfect, at ease, no drugged or drowsy feeling.
Next step is to hear the results of my fasting labs and sonos. I am starting to have slightly elevated blood pressure. I check it twice a day and it’s always in the high 140s/90’s. I’m not going to lie, I am prepared to get bad news on the labs. I know that I have been gambling with my health these passed several years and now I’m paying for it.
There is some good news, after 5 years I am finally getting new glasses!